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CHESS BEAST NEEDS YOU!!!

Tell us...
* The worst chess venue you ever played in
* Your strangest opponent
* Your favourite grandmaster blunder
* Is chess more or less boring than bird watching, fishing, and trainspotting ?
* A chess joke that actually makes you laugh, rather than makes you want to move somewhere no-one knows you and start afresh in a new, non-chessplaying identity. And not the bloody 'chessnuts' joke, ok!


Stare-way to Heaven

Staring is vitally important for every aspiring GM today. Find out more about this skill here, and practice your technique here.


Sitting Still

Another vital skill for budding chess masters. Apparently it's good for you. Or not. Maybe the old chess player classic of sitting still with legs vibrating like a pneumatic drill under the table is the best compromise? Nope, that's so bad it has it's own name!


Meet Geoff

Ever wondered if the ELO rating system could work for other sports, The Wacky Races, say? No, me neither, but Geoff has.
For this and more inspired lunacy, visit Chandler Cornered.

 
Issue 1 - June 2002
in association with www.pawnpusher.co.uk

WHO'S THE GREATEST?

Who's "The Greatest Chess Player Ever"?

Would Alekhine, Morphy, Capablanca et al give today's best a run for their money if they were alive?

Who cares?!

I'm fed up with these endless and pointless arguments (and if you've spent much time on the chess newsgroups, you probably are too)

So, here at Chess Beast Magazin we've decided to settle this argument once and for all, using the tried and tested method of pure chance.

We have assembled a 32-strong list, consisting of the players most hailed as the best ever, plus a pack of the strongest chasers, and a few celebrity guests to spice it up a bit.

Using World Cup 2002*, we aim to pit GM against GM, weeding out the weak, until we are finally left with the "One True Champion".
Then everybody can just shut up about it, okay?

Round 1: Group Stage

Each player on our list will be assigned a team in the World Cup. If his team gets eliminated in the first round, he's out. Simple as that. No arguments. Ok, it's not perfect, but it's better than the way FIDE is getting its world champions these days at least.

To add some kind of realism there will be a seeding arrangement. The top 8 players ever (according to this list - don't argue! It's just a bit of fun, ok?) will be matched up with the 8 seeded teams in WC2002. The next 8 players will be matched with the 8 second seeded teams, and so on.

Knockout Stages

After the group stages, every player still remaining will have their team re-drawn at random. This is to give all the qualifiers an equal chance of landing the eventual winners. [If you can think of a better way, email me.]

Click on the group lists below to see the controversial group stage draw (yes, it was done properly, by my mate Dave on a boring day at work, you suspiscious Kasparov fans!)

Group A | Group B | Group C | Group D
Group E | Group F | Group G | Group H
Full Draw (may take a short while to open fully)

For the latest news and rumours, visit the press box

* if you don't know what this is then you are probably American, and you can call it 'soccer' (even though it's actually called 'football' - no, it came before that other thing you call football, the one where the players are all called Brad and they run around dressed like gay spacemen)

Chess Accessories

So, you tried getting your friends to pass you good moves using the 'yoghurt code' (see "Karpov v Korchnoi, 1978") and couldn't get the hang of it?

Why not try our idiot-proof move digestives! Every possible move combination is lovingly and discretely hand-stamped onto the surface of it's own unique biscuit. Only a complete moron or a sloppy dunker could fail!

Also available on giant cookies in descriptive notation.

Amazing & Untrue Facts

During the early stages of chess, before horseys were invented, they used to use pieces which resembled a fish. They were called 'eels' and they moved in wavy lines.

 
In Iceland there are 14 different words for chess, all spelt and pronounced exactly the same way.
Send your 'Fact' suggestions to:
pawnpusher@btinternet.com

To see more 'Facts'
click here

copyright©2002 Darren Jones / www.pawnpusher.co.uk
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