FIDE announces 2006 Grand Prix
Governing body FIDE has announced details of its long-awaited 2006 World Chess Grand Prix, otherwise known as the “War Crimes Tour”. Six major tournaments will see the world's leading players battle it out for a USD 500 million prize fund (less a FIDE tax of 99.998%). The six events will be held in all the major sporting centres of the world. The full programme is as follows:-
The eight leading moneywinners from the above tournaments will qualify for the season-ending Champions Trophy event, to be held in French Guyana, at the site of the former Devil's Island prison camp. As well as the first prize of diddly-squat, the overall winner will receive the prestigious Pol Pot Trophy, a former Turner Prize-winning artwork, cunningly fashioned from bones found in the killing fields of Cambodia. FIDE President Kirsan Ill-Lunatic is hoping that Slobodan Milosevic will attend as guest of honour, to make the ceremonial opening move, although if he is unavailable, it is understand that Peter “The Yorkshire Ripper” Sutcliffe has agreed to stand in for him.
At a press conference last night, Ill-Lunatic denied that he was bringing chess into disrepute by holding events in such countries. “These events are being supported by some of the finest and most respected dictators and mass murderers in the world,” he insisted. “As a tin-pot little dictator myself, I am proud to be associated with such distinguished heads of state as these” (at this point, the press conference ended, as Ill-Lunatic was carried from the room by several men wearing white coats).
Saddam Hussein is doing 65 years.