Sparkling line-up for British Championship!

The line-up for the 2003 British Chess Championships sees a fascinating clash of international stars. The field of 76 comprises 55 Grandmasters from India, 20 from Bangladesh and one English representative, 78-year-old Mr Albert Tatlock of Coronation Street, Weatherfield. Tatlock, the five-time winner of the Rovers Return public house 4th division Cup, should provide a stiff challenge to the Commonwealth stars. The plucky pensioner explained yesterday that it was only by chance that he was able to play: ‘Usually I can’t afford the expense, being a pensioner, but as it happens, I managed to convince my local tandoori that I’m not really British at all, so they agreed to sponsor me.’

A BCF spokesman defended the controversial line-up, saying ‘We at the BCF are proud of our equal opportunities policy. If you’re British, you have to pay your own way, if your foreign, you don’t. What could be fairer than that?’ He went on to add ‘By the way, are you a Direct Member? I’m gonna ’ave your friggin’ kneecaps if you ain’t paid up…’

Reggie Kray is dead.